A simple definition: Nar-cis-sism (noun): Excessive
love or admiration of oneself.
Such a brief definition may seem
harmless enough, but there are many social and personal, subtle and
not-so-subtle, negative effects of narcissism.
But, if we are being honest we
would all admit to a little bit of narcissism. We all seek to be overly self-sufficient
at times, to show off our best sides, and we are all a little bit vain. Add to
this the propensity to complain or to exploit people at times. Besides someone
with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, we all feature as partially narcissistic.
The good news is we can identify
our narcissistic traits, and, by doing so, identify some of our innate faults.
As a result we can live happier lives, and those around us can be happier too.
The Character of Narcissism
So what exactly does narcissism
look like?
At the extremes there are excessive
degrees of need for authority or, correspondingly, the difficulty with
authority. Narcissists tend to be supremely self-sufficient and superior to
others in their own minds.
What all these above traits call
forth most of all, however, is the critical weakness within the narcissist. They are incredibly
damaged deep beneath, well below their conscious awareness, and their degrees
of superiority are a massive cover for their gross insecurities. There is a
clear air of exhibitionism and vanity that comes to the fore. And the
narcissist feels entitled to their recognition, beyond reality, which is
something that motivates many bullies. Lastly, and worst of all perhaps, is the
propensity for the narcissist to be exploitative—they will use people for their
purposes.
So how exactly can we learn from
the narcissist, then? Well, as we reveal our narcissistic tendencies God
invites us to explore the source of our damage.
Being Aware of and Healing Our
Narcissistic Qualities
It is a very good thing to be
aware of the extant truths about us regarding our weaknesses, especially those
from our childhoods. If there are weaknesses there, and all of us have them,
they can wind up manifesting as narcissistic tendencies.
Of seven generally accepted
narcissistic traits I certainly identify with three of them. Knowing these
weaknesses, and regularly acknowledging them, keeps these weaknesses in the front
of my mind. Then I am able to compensate.
The awareness is so important.
Only when we are aware do we stake claim on the willingness to be healed, one
day at a time. Healing is a process. The more honest we are the more effective
healing can be. We are likely to notice gradual improvements by way of lessened
experiences of fear. This is just another example where the truth shall set us
free (John 8:32). Where we are honest about our weaknesses God helps to
strengthen them.
***
The weaknesses in narcissism are
present in all of us. If we are serious about becoming disciples of Jesus we
will interrogate our personalities for traits of fear. Only when we are honest
will we become aware and, then, have opportunities of healing.
© 2012 S. J. Wickham.
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